


Defying Intimacy

by Ridzstar95



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Romance, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, One Night Stands, Regret, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, Toph Beifong-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:54:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ridzstar95/pseuds/Ridzstar95
Summary: After indulging in a night of passion, Tokka have to face the real question that haunts them the next morning: Was it the act of desire, the reason for their awkwardness, or was it the much needed intimacy they shared later?RATED M TO BE SAFE!
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. A cocktail of guilt and denial

Her head could have killed her, it was throbbing so much. She winced in pain, as a sharp pang went through her back as well. She had just woken up, and wasn’t even fully conscious. She turned over, trying to gain some consciousness, and most importantly, remember what happened the previous night. She must have turned over extremely fast, because her head spinned immediately and she felt nauseous. There wasn’t much time to think about how she could let herself do it, being the mother of a 2 year old baby, or what exactly she even did, because she immediately reached out to the cup on her bedside table, and vomited in it.

Tears welled up in her eyes, and a sourness filled her mouth. She hadn’t drunk that much, since she had a child. She did indulge in drinking, but it never got the best of her like this. She did feel twenty again, but she wasn’t proud of it. She wiped her mouth and lay down on her bed again, feeling disgusted by herself, wanting the covers to swallow her. That’s when she realised something that made her want to dig up a hole herself and bury herself in it. She remembered loud laughter in stranded corridors being shushed by eachother, warm hands digging into her back, her hands sinking into long hair and moans that made her soul shake with pleasure.

She spent a night with her friend. Her best friend. _Sokka_. Yes, they did indulge in a mild flirtation for a few months, but that was for fun. It wasn’t supposed to lead anywhere. Her cheeks didn’t get a chance to dry before a new stream of tears kissed them. last night, those same cheeks were kissed with so much adoration that her heart could have exploded. The realisation of herself not wearing clothes wasn’t a surprise anymore. As she pulled the covers up again to hug herself, her fingers pinched themselves on a pin. She winced in pain and felt the pin that pierced her finger. It was _his_. He would wear a lot of such pins as badges of the different positions he filled. Last night was filled with _aggression_ , she recollected, because she remembered tearing the pin off his shirt in haste.

Not knowing what to do anymore, and realising she couldn’t spend her whole life inside the covers, she stood up immediately. It shook her so hard that she had to lean on the bed post for support. The soreness between her legs made her weak. Another flash of memories filled her mind, and she realised she was almost panting with the regret and the shock of it all. Telling herself that nothing was going to come of it, and that she didn’t want it to, and hoping that he would agree with her on this, she crept to the bathroom to get freshened up when she sensed his presence in her house. For the first time ever, she wasn’t happy to have him around, and she was worried about the confrontation that could follow.

* * *

He could barely sleep that night. He had always been a light sleeper, tossing and turning to find the right position to sleep in for the night. After all, old habits die hard. He wasn’t so lucky that night, because she wouldn’t let go of him. As he sat on the dining table, drinking the banana shake that he made for himself, he wondered why he didn’t have something prepared to say to her yet. He didn’t want this to lead anywhere, he had given up on love long back, and he wasn’t looking for it with her. He knew that she would agree with that, she had never been in any serious relationship except for the one with her daughter’s father that ended long back. But still, this was awkward, no matter what their ages, and no matter how many other people they did this with, because this was with eachother. And that made all the difference.

As he saw her making her way downstairs, her head shook, leaning on the railing, her expression last night filled his entire mind. It wasn’t the one when she flirted with him by pulling his tie, neither the one when she almost tore his shirt off, nor the one when she kissed him softly when he entered her. It was the one she made when she nestled into his nook, and curled her legs around his, and fell into deep slumber. She had a little smile on her face, he could have sworn. Her arms resting on his chest, she had completely entwined herself in him, and he just couldn’t let go. There were times in the night when he felt hot, or he felt like she was tugging to him a bit too tight, and any time when he would make a slight movement away from her, she would pull him harder towards herself. His head was heavy too, but still he was awake, and unable to sleep. And he couldn’t think of anything except what they had just done, and how it would affect their relationship, and even how he enjoyed it, though he was ashamed of it himself.

He saw her make her way to the dining table and sit down in front of him. She was speechless, and he was glad, because so was he. For two people who couldn’t stop talking whenever they were together, they were awfully quiet that morning. They had to break their silence sometime, but knowing she felt the same way he did, gave him some comfort. He took a sip of the shake, not being able to see her directly due to the flood of memories of last night. His trail of thought was broken when he saw her quietly extend his pin towards him on the table. He was fully dressed to leave, but he was so lost after the night, that he didn’t notice one of the badges was missing. He took it and promptly put it back on. She took the jug and tried to drink some of the shake, but her head must have been spinning too hard, because some of it trickled down her chin to her neck. He had to immediately look away from the place he had left a little mark on, because the Sokka from last night who gave into his baser insincts, would start taking over. But he was her best friend, her closest confidante, and his compassionate side took over, and he took the jug from her, leaving a surprised expression on her face. He took a glass and poured some of the shake into it, and extended the glass towards her.

Her fingers laced the rim of the glass, and he felt nervous. He could totally imagine her throwing the glass at his face, blaming him for last night. Of course the myriad of thoughts that engulfed him last night as she slept included the guilt of not stopping what was happening. Yes, he was extremely drunk himself. Yes, he enjoyed the flirty banter they shared for the past few months. But he had always been a bit more controlled than her in these matters, and even though he couldn’t have done anything to stop them, that didn’t mean the guilt wouldn’t haunt him. It haunted him last night as she inserted herself into him deeper, and it was haunting him as she played with her glass rather than drink the shake he poured for her. And so he stood up and placed his chair back inside the table, breaking the silence.

“what happened?” she asked calmly, still not taking her sip of the drink. He mustered all the calmness that he possessed, and replied, “I just think it’s time to go. I need to get freshened up before I go for work.” His response must have relaxed her, because she immediately got up too. She didn’t see the surprised look on his face, and made her way towards the door. _Typical Toph_. He thought and rolled his eyes. But her reactions calmed him down too. They were on the same page, and she established that. She opened the door and waited for him to come out, her heart beating faster being in the same room as him. _Alone_.

He made his way towards the door. He hated confrontations just as much as her, and that was one of the main topics they bonded on. But right now, someone had to say something, and she was acting pretty relaxed over the situation at hand, so he thought it to be only fair to state the obvious. As he came nearer, her heart could have burst itself out of her body, but he didn’t know that. She, however knew that he was nervous from his heartbeat, and she felt even more nervous because of it. He had a steady heartbeat always, and that was one of the reasons she felt peaceful with him. If he felt something, and he felt everything a lot all the time, he knew how to bury it deep down to be able to fool himself as well. But, he couldn’t do it right now, and he wasn’t.

“Hey, you know, it was a mistake last night. It won’t happen again, I promise.” That was all he could manage to say. It made her feel so relieved that she felt her head get lighter immediately. She didn’t want anything to go anywhere, either. “Yeah, I know! I feel the same way. Glad to know we’re on the same page.” She replied. _Concise and straight-forward_. They were both grateful for mutually feeling the same way. As he left, she felt relieved but didn’t feel quite normal until she felt his heartbeat fade into the distance. As for him, he turned around to look at her once, before he turned back and made his way to his car.


	2. Anger with a tinge of overthinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph and Sokka decided to leave the unspoken in the past. But, unresolved past always comes back immediately, especially if it has been with your friend for the past 15 years!

He skipped breakfast that day, since he was unable to eat anything. That was one of the after effects of heavy drinking, and it had been so long since he indulged in it. His secretary entered his cabin, carrying the envelope that he requested her to get. After she left, he placed _it_ on the table. _Her emerald studded chain_. It was tiny and precious, not because it was made up of real emeralds, but because he had gifted it to her a few years back when he visited. She always held her gifts very close to her, and last night when she wore it to the function, it was a pretty big move of flirtation on her part. And she knew it. That’s why, when he removed it from her neck in haste and threw it on the floor as they made out in the back of his car far away from the party like rebellious teenagers, she gave a knowing smirk. She knew how to play with him, she always had, and she enjoyed it quite a bit. He found it on the floor of his car in the morning, and decided to return it immediately.

There were many ways to return it. He could visit her at home and give it back to her, he could just visit her in her office that was close to his and return it, or he could ask someone else to deliver it. Knowing how they both felt about that night, and that she would want to avoid any memories of it just like him, he had decided to send it via his secretary. They had both established that whatever had happened was a mistake and if he were to give it back to her himself, it would be awkward. They both understood each other very well, and protected each other’s emotions fiercely. And right now, he knew she felt the same way as him. So he placed the necklace in the envelope carefully, closed it with his official seal and asked his secretary to privately deliver the letter to the Chief of Police.

* * *

For someone who always treated her one night stands like shots, she gulped one and moved to another, this one had quite the hangover. She had spent the whole day training her squad, but every _now and then when they took a breather, she found herself thinking about the previous night. It was_ rough, no doubt, her legs kept reminding her, but there was something tender to it. Was it the way he caressed her lips before kissing them, was it the way he cupped her breasts softly while they rocked together in their own harmony, or was it one of the million other things that happened? So she did what got her mind to a complete rest.

As she sat down on her desk, her secretary sitting in front of her reading her mails for her, she was ready to zone out completely. There were a million mails her office received on a daily basis and she hated that part of her job the most. As he began reading her mails out loud to her, she found herself feeling sleepy and extremely tired. A good night’s rest sounded exactly like what she needed at the moment.

“Ma’am, this has to be delivered to you privately. It states here specifically. Also, I took the liberty to feel the envelope and there isn’t a note inside. Ma’am?” her secretary had to call her again. she was immediately alert. “Well, what is it? Is it from my parents? I told them not to send personal mail here!” she snapped. “No, Ma’am. It is from Councilman Sokka’s office.” He replied. Suddenly, she had to focus on breathing. What on earth could it be? After asking him to leave for a few minutes, she was alone and opened the envelope. All she could think was, never once did he send such a mail to her. If it was something personal, he would just tell her in person.

After her fingers found the bottom of the envelope, they touched the necklace from last night. Once again, all kinds of thoughts filled her brain: passionate, steamy, regretful, flirty. But none of them felt good at the moment. She took the necklace out, remembering how much she loved it when he gave it to her a few years back. Kanto had just left, Lin was not even a year old, and she felt lonelier than she ever had. So when he came to visit, it meant the world to her. She never cared much for jewellery, but he had such beautiful thoughts when he gifted it to her. The gems were from a small corner of the gigantic Earth Kingdom, and he had just visited that place. He told her they were rare, just like her. And that she was rare too, she shouldn’t waste her energy on people that could be replaced, because he may have been one in a thousand, but she was one in a million. She told him that was very cheesy of him to say, and he laughed with her, but they both knew deep down, that those words meant everything to her. He said the right things, he always had. _That Asshole_.

How could he return the necklace to her like this? They had always talked about everything, and agreed, that this was a situation new to both of them. This made it harder for them to talk about it. She knew that in the morning, she was hostile towards him. She didn’t speak a word to him until it was time to leave, and she didn’t even drink the shake he poured for her. She also knew that he was the kind of person to overthink, and his head would be about to erupt with all the useless thoughts he would have thought about by now. But did he think that she was upset with him? Or did he just not even care enough to give it back to her in person like a friend?

It was already established that whatever happened between them was as friends, and there was nothing more to it. Then she remembered that she had replied to that in a curt manner, almost hurrying him to leave. Was he upset with her for acting that way? Was he thinking that she was upset and didn’t want to see him again? Or is that just what he had become now, years since he was in an actual relationship and only spent a night with his endeavours? She had always known that he was a gentleman, then why not to her? He returned her necklace to her as if she was nothing but a girl he slept with. She didn’t know if she was angry with him, or if she was angry at herself for being so intimidating in the morning. Either way, she felt a lot like how he was in general: overthinking and overly critical. And she was sure of one thing: it was not fun to be Sokka.

So she just did what she felt like. She hadn’t thought about consequences last night, and she was done with thinking about them now.


	3. Resolutions with a shot of intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They can't hide from each other forever, that has been proven. So, It's time to face the consequences. And who knows, gain something out of the much needed confrontation they tried to avoid so desperately?

As Sokka made his way to the bar that night, he was ready to apologise for everything. He had thought this over and over, as he usually does with everything, but he worried that in the moment, he would forget the words he had prepared. He had never really ever thought what he would say Toph, no matter what the situation had been, but this situation demanded that he say it all. And say it _right_. She had made it clear that she wanted no part of his bullshit, and generally, Sokka would have fought back to her. He had never backed down from speaking his mind, not to important dignitaries, then Toph was still his best friend. Until last night. Since last night, Toph had transformed from his best friend to a friend that he had slept with. Her actions during the lunch break stormed his mind.

* * *

He was about to leave for his lunch with another councilman, when he suddenly heard his door slam open. He turned around to see who it was, and he was greeted with Toph’s fury. For once, she was completely silent. She stood in front of his desk and the look on her face gave him the exact idea what she was thinking. She was raging with fury. Her eyes, which were normally blank, were filled with anger and resentment. In her hands, she was clutching something very tightly. She was breathing heavily, her chest moving in perfect tune with her short breaths. He was no fool, he knew exactly what she was going to say.

He stood up immediately. “Toph, please sit. Let’s talk this out. I know, what you’re so upset about-”. But she didn’t give him any second to speak further. She cut him off with her silence. He extended his arm towards her, trying to calm her down, and she shook it off harshly. It seemed neither her, nor him, thought of eachother as a close friend at the moment. Then she did something which was so unlike her, that it sent chills down his spine immediately. Little did he know, that the same chills marked her spine too. She slammed the chain on his table so hard, it almost shook the whole table with her rage. He wondered if she had met him outside, she would have definitely shaken the earth with her fury. The moment she put the chain down, she looked up to hopefully meet his gaze. he felt like she had carved a hole in the earth with her eyes that he would never be able to dig himself out of it. It was clear to him that she knew what she was doing, as well as the effect it was having on him. “Toph! Don’t do this! Listen to me!” he spoke urgently as she turned around to leave, and he came behind to hold her hand. But she moved away from him swiftly and left his office.

At that moment, it was obvious to him. She was upset, about what he had done, what she had done, and now, she had a lot of things to say, or scream, to him about. He took the necklace in his hands, and resolved to himself that after work, he would go to the same bar that they both usually hung out at after work hours, and clear everything up. But he was nervous if she would show up. He hoped she would.

* * *

He sat at the counter and ordered a rum for himself after remembering the incident. He couldn’t shake her look out of his mind. She had never been so furious with him, her closest confidante and comforter. Everytime someone would walk in, he would hope it would be her. He saw so many women with black hair, and since he was a bit drunk now, he would mistaken them to be Toph. But seeing them for just a second more, he would realise that they weren’t _his Toph_. He would drink that pronoun away as soon as it would come to him. Nonetheless, they weren’t the feisty Toph he was looking for. The one with long black hair that reminded him of the endless dark nights back home, the one who was fair as the snow, the one whose eyes were just as icy as the glaciers of the water tribe when she was furious. He was suddenly brought to his senses when a hand gently touched his shoulder.

He turned around, and saw her eyes, back to the nervous gaze that they had in the morning, looking to the floor. He didn’t know what he wanted to do now: comfort her, or apologize. “Shall we sit? I have much to say to you.” That was all he could muster up to say. She nodded silently. How he wished to hear her say anything to him, anything, even a long list of curses that he knew she had screamed at him already in her mind. He knew that she was guilty, and he was guilty too, so there was no point in being angry anymore. They made their way to a small table in the corner.

They were awfully silent, considering they had both thought of a million things to say to each other by now. Someone had to break the ice, otherwise the whole night would go to waste. Sokka passed a drink her way, and she took the glass with shaking hands. “I’m sorry, Toph. I wish I could turn time back, if I could, I wou-“, he started, only to be interrupted by her. “No Sokka, let me do this. let me go first. If you say something first, I doubt I will remember at all what I wanted to say. And I need to say quite a lot to you.” “Alright, sure. Go ahead.” He agreed, knowing that she wasn’t talking about giving him a piece of her mind. She just wanted to clear things up, peacefully.

“I know what I did in the afternoon was uncalled for. Truth be told, I’m not sure who it was that I was upset with. I remember I was upset with myself with how I behaved in the morning. I made you feel like a cheap one night stand myself. But when you gave me the chain back, I felt like you gave me a taste of my own medicine. And I didn’t like it. Not one bit. So, I’m sorry too. You are just.. different. You’re.. you. My friend. My.. go-to place. I can’t lose you over sex. I can’t lose what we have. It is far too important to me, Sokka.” She explained, her eyes looking down and guilt smeared all over her snowy face. She felt the comfort and warmth from last night when he placed his hand over her gently and stroked it. It made it easier to go on. “I know we are adults. That neither you, nor I am looking for a relationship, or even dating. I know we can put whatever happened past us. But what about everything else we did? The cuddling? No one really knows how much I enjoy it actually. But now you do. I wouldn’t have done it with some random guy. You know damn well I would have just sent them home once I was done. But with you, it was.. passionate, yes.. but it was, soothing. Yeah, that’s the word. So I opened up. And now, I don’t really know what you must be thinking. And the thinking, Sokka, it is driving me crazy. I just.. I can’t do it. You know how difficult it is to open up for me. You know it. You are like that yourself, I know that! So, I just feel awkward.. I feel.. uncomfortable.”

Knowing she was done for sometime, and knowing exactly how she felt, Sokka knew it was the right time to speak himself. “Okay, Toph. First of all, I am sorry too about the chain. I don’t want you to think I did that because I was worried you’d get clingy or that you expect anything, or even that I thought of you as another girl I slept with. You are right about one thing, it was us. You and me. It changed everything. I never cuddle with the girls I sleep with, and I don’t stay either. It was something intimate last night, and I don’t know if I have felt this way before, atleast not in a hundred years for sure. So I couldn’t leave either. That’s why when you came closer to snuggle, I couldn’t refuse myself. You’re right that it was sex, and that maybe we can get over. But the feelings that we shared, the passion, the comfort, it was beautiful to me as well.” She nodded, and he took it as her cue to him to go on. “And just because we know eachother a bit more closely than we’d have liked to, I don’t think we should change. I know we used to flirt around a lot, but neither of us ever thought that it would lead to this. so I don’t want us to change over something that we didn’t want either.”

She clasped his hands in hers now. Maybe this was more intimate than she wanted to get, but it felt right. She wanted comfort again, he did too, and so as their fingers laced over eachother gently, they knew that they lied about the fact that they didn’t want the flirting to lead to whatever this was. Through their silent gesture, they knew more than words would have allowed them to. They knew that they wanted the physical stuff, no doubt, but a corner of their heart that was shut off to love, wanted the _intimacy_. And the _intimacy_ was the catch that they weren’t prepared for, but loved more than the act of physical desire that would have been the factor that would have generally made other people awkward.

As they laughed off the things they shared through the night, how he was stuck on her neck for so long, she could have exploded with just that, and how she moaned so loudly that they almost had to stop to check if Lin woke up, they found some rest for their minds that they longed for. They never left eachother’s hands, and years later, they would find that night quite funny. For it started something special, something they never asked for but craved silently. They found _love_ , and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the end of this! I imagine Tokka happened as a one night stand actually. These idiots have been in love and denying it for far too long, and sometimes, it isn't so bad to face our feelings! They are definitely a product of bad at feelings x idiots in love x friends to lovers! I hope you enjoyed this work, and if you did, please leave a kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> So, Tokka are really bad at talking. But, they're even worse at being their true self, despite being the two most outspoken people in the gang! This is the first time I have written something even remotely physical so obviously, I am quite nervous! If you liked it, please leave a kudos! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
